there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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