I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
