New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
