i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
