I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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