I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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