i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
