u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
