i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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