ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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