He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
