Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
