If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
