WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
