is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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