Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
