I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
