my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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