my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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