Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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