I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
