Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
