I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
