the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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