Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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