I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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