I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
