I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
