i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
