i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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