I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
