He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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