I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
