yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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