I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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