dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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