Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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