We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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