He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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