I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
