don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
