Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize