Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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