I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
