So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
