im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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