so that wasnt chicken after all
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
