hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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