I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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