We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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