I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
