And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
