there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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