Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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