just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
