Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
