Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
