just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
