So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
