My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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