Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
