Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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