1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
