take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize