forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
