Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
