You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
