I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
