And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
