I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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