I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
id be glad to
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
