Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
