He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
