I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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