I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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